Refreshed

Awhile back The Best Friend in the Entire Universe told me I should make clothing. Sewing should not be a difficult skill for me to learn, after all, I do have the sewing gene or at least The Mother and The Sister do, so why not I!?! I started off with making cushions, didn’t make very good friends with the zips, but we came to some sort of agreement and I eventually started feeling a little familiar with a sewing machine. Knowing that I still had many years of skill honing before me and wanting to keep my need for recycling, repurposing or refreshing sated, I decided to take existing previously loved items and give them new life. I have completed three items, the first attempt many months back and the last two over the last month. And because I am the luckiest girl in the world I have a photographer as a neighbor, a beautiful friend willing to be model and a son assistant; throw these into the pot of help and a photo shoot is born.

GREEN DRESS:

DESCRIPTION:

White netting top with heart detail.  Elasticized high waist with green stitching.  Green floral design on front skirt

SIZE: 30 - 36

COST: R250 excluding P&P

BLACK VELVET JACKET:

DESCRIPTION:

Black Velvet Bolero Jacket tied closed with dark denim fabric bow. Dark denim Star detail on back.  Black lace detail hand sewn cuffs.

SIZE: 30 - 36

COST: R350 excluding P&P

GREY SLACKS:

DESCRIPTION:

Grey slacks, red woolen edging on front pockets & belt straps. White lace detail on back pockets with red trimmed black and white fur heart, edged with green stitching.

SIZE: 34 – 36

COST: R220 excluding P&P

Special thanks to the following people for their help, patience and fun attitude:

First to my awesome photographer Vanessa Cracknell, thanks for all the hard work on these photos and my label, without you this would still be a day dream.

To view more of Vanessa work visit www.vanessacracknell.weebly.com

Second to my beautiful friend Sarah Manning, thanks for always going the extra mile, being such a good friend and always, always having that wonderful smile on your face.

And last but certainly not least to my Son for being the best son a mom could have

Well, the discussion with the Husband didn’t go quite as planned. Turns out he feels this was the best thing that could have happened to us and it has made him realize that actually I am what he wants and he most definitely wants to work through our problems and make our relationship work. The jury’s still out on how I feel about all of this. Sometimes I know I’m so angry I could spit, other times I feel depressed, there’s quite a bit of exhaustion and I’m often left feeling the need to curl up into a little ball and forget about everything. The only thing I know for absolutely sure is that I do love him and that it’s easier to give birth to an elephant with no anesthetic of any kind while lying on a bed of thorny roses with an annoying man standing over you, telling you the trunk is crowning, the tusks are almost out and would you like to see, then to know for absolutely sure what the best course of action is.

I’ve been thinking a great deal about The Fairy Godmother. She too found herself faced with the gut wrenching ache of the inevitable. Her response to it was to take a deep breath and dive right back in. Something akin to the philosophy of getting back on the horse after a bucking of bone breaking proportions. I asked her why, she said that she did not want to look back and say “What if?” Margaret said much the same thing. Her response was that she wanted to make every effort so that not once would she ever have to deal with any guilt due to the break up. Knowing in her heart she did everything she could possibly have done to make it work.

It would be so very convenient if I could only tell the future. I doubt I would learn much or grow as a human being but at least I could make easy choices avoid any future heartache and live a soft, clean bubble existence. Oh what joy! But alas, I must accept my shortcomings and make decisions blind. How difficult it is being a mere mortal.

I still feel nauseous most of the time and my courage reserves are still running a little low but I’m going to take a deep breath, block my nose and plunge into the pool of blind optimism. And I’m going to listen to ACDC the whole way down.

“When I see a pretty woman
You know it gives me a thrill
And she's a tailor made to order
You know I can't stand still
And you won't need a doctor
'Cause it'll cure all ills

And when I hear a noisy party
You know it gives me a chill
It gets me rockin' and a rollin'
And I can't stand still
From morning 'till midnight
You know I can't stand still

You know I can't stand still
I can't stand still
You know I can't stand still
I can't stand still
From morning 'till midnight
You know I can't stand still, oh yeah

When it comes to sippin' honey
You know I drink my fill
And I'll be dancin' on the water
You know I can't stand still
From morning 'till midnight
You know I can't stand still, oh yeah

You know I can't stand still
I can't stand still
I can't stand still
You know I can't stand still
From morning 'till midnight
You know I can't stand still

You know I can't stand still
I can't stand still
Baby I can't stand still
I just can't stand still
From morning 'till midnight
You know I can't
You know I can't stand still

Thank you lads, thank you lads, thank you”

Omega or is that Olmega

So today I am feeling very sad. Well I’ve been feeling sad for quite some time now. But today, today I feel that cold feeling of acceptance. It is so annoyingly adult to have to deal with the inevitable. I keep telling myself; not much longer now, just a few things to sort out and it will all be over. I look forward to that. Then I can mourn in private; rage in private; hate in private; cry in private. No need to keep it together and act like everything is just peachy. I just hate public displays of negative emotion. I just hate being vulnerable in front of someone I really do love.

My chest aches.

I hate the fact that I have once again brought this upon myself. I wish I could just blame someone else. That would be so much easier. Then I could be the victim and weep woe is me to any and everybody. And everyone would lend me a shoulder and take my side. But no, I have to be all adult and take responsibility. What a bother!

My stomach’s in knots.

I’m very scared. I have to admit, for the sake of utter honesty, that he is a most decent young man and has an unbelievable need to be responsible. I have asked him if he can hang on for a bit until I get a job so I can support myself and my son. I realize that’s a pretty terrible thing to ask. It is unfair and selfish but what else can I do!?! I’ve sent my C.V. out and unfortunately I have accepted a half day job for June which definitely does not cover my expenses but that was before I was honest with myself. I was in denial. You know the state, the one where you tell yourself that if he says “I love you” then it means everything will be okay. But deep down you know that’s a lie. So you accept a job that will help trap him. Yes it’s pathetic but at least I didn’t fall pregnant. I’m not that pitiable.

My eyes are leaking.

Thank the Universe for Snow Patrol. How I love those little Scottish boys. At least they don’t lie. Lies! Lies! Lies! How I hate lies!

I am disgusted with my own shortcomings.


“All this feels strange an untrue
And I won’t waste a minute without you
My bones ache
My skin feels cold
And I’m getting so tired and so old
The anger swells in guts
And I won’t feel these slices and cuts
I want so much to open your eyes
Cos I need you to look into mine
Tell me that you’ll open your eyes
Tell me that you’ll open your eyes
Tell me that you’ll open your eyes
Tell me that you’ll open your eyes
Get up
Get out
Get away from these liars
Cos they don’t get your soul or your fire
Take my hand
Knot your fingers through mine
And we’ll walk from this dark room for the last time
Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes
Cos I need you to look into mine
Tell me that you’ll open your eyes
Tell me that you’ll open your eyes
Tell me that you’ll open your eyes
Tell me that you’ll open your eyes
Tell me that you’ll open your eyes
Tell me that you’ll open your eyes
Tell me that you’ll open your eyes
Tell me that you’ll open your eyes
All this feels strange and untrue
And I won’t waste a minute without you"

Puffery

We have all heard it said that men are dogs; often by a heart broken woman reeling from disappointment and confusion shortly after she has realized that her loved one is a bit of a liar and has deceived her in some way. A dog is also used to describe a thing of poor quality; a failure; an informer or traitor; an unattractive woman, basically giving us the impression that dog is a bad thing, a thing to despise and detest, a thing to scorn and shoo out the back door.

I personally feel a little sorry for the dog; after all this is the animal that makes us think of unending loyalty. Man’s best friend. Unconditional love. So how then did the dog degenerate to something ugly?

The truth is men are not dogs. True a man can be loyal, he can even love and protect. But never deceive!?! Impossible! No amount of rationalization will ever change the simple fact; it is statistically improbable that a man will never lie to you. It’s more likely that God (or Jupiter) will char Mugabe’s skeletal structure with one of his deadly lightening bolts as just punishment for the evil he has perpetrated.

Now, do not get me wrong. I am not male bashing. I am just telling a truth as I see it, from years of studying the opposite sex in the hopes of finally coming to some sort of understanding that will enable me to live side by side in happiness with one.

What is somewhat amusing, however, is the realization that the only reason men deceive us is because of the completely one sided set of rules, morals and ethics, we bring to the relationship. We are our own worst enemy. I blame those ridiculous fairy tales they fed us when we were young. Warping our sense of reality and sending our imaginations into over drive. Fairy tales; silly stories spun by disillusioned old maids with vivid imaginations.

The truth is I think that men actually resent us. Sure we make them happy, most of the time, well maybe not most of the time but definitely some of the time. Mostly I think we just make them miserable, and tired. Before we came along they could visit brothels, drink themselves into oblivion, spend long night on chat sites, take copious amounts of drugs, have sexual relations with whomever said yes and basically live the life of the free and easy bachelor, no cares, just fun; fun; fun. They’ve had to make many sacrifices and compromises, complicating their lives with lies and deceit, just in the hopes of keeping a little glimmer of their once precious secret life. They don’t mean to hurt us, or break our precious rules. They just want to hang on, while they still have a little life left and it really is unfair of us to hold them back. They lie to protect us. And really, we should be flattered by this almost chivalrous, if not a little misguided, need to protect us.

My point is this:

It is quite pointless to get our knickers in a knot. It’s a waste of energy and solves nothing, leaves us exhausted and more bitter and twisted then any one human being should ever be. I believe the best course of action is to simply ask yourself this one question; “Can you live with this particular deception?”

It’s not, “Should I leave him?” It’s not even, “How could he do this to me?” It’s, “Can I live with this?”

Every single sentient being or creature on this planet and probably on all the other planets with life; has a price. I mean, look at the lioness. Do you really think she’s happy with having to do all the hunting only to wait, hungry and tired, for the lion to have his fill? No! But she does it, because he is a bad ass king of the jungle and she’s guaranteed a more secure life with him at her side. No good getting embarrassed about this or denying it. Rather embrace it and move on. After all ladies, we are all whores; some of us just have a higher price.

So decide your price, now, and make sure the compromises you do make are ones that will make you happy.
Oh and start making some girlfriends, now, because when you discover the lie, and you will, the Universe loves us, we are creators and are therefore protected, you’re going to need them. It’s going to be the hardest choice you ever make and you better make damn sure you can live with it.

Lie 2 ~n an intentionally false statement. ~ a situation involving deception or founded on a mistaken impression ~v (lies, lying, lied) tell a lie or lies. ~ (of a thing) present a false impression

Bookcase Facelift

Living in the city I have grown to love and appreciate little things like shelves, cupboards and bookcases. Space is always a problem and finding new ways to store that which we do not want to toss is a continual problem. All city dwellers will agree, finding a solution that fits your decor, personality and pocket is not always easy and when found gives one a sense of sheer joy and pride.

This bookcase is an old McNamee's piece, it was covered with an off white PVA paint and was rather boring.

 

Very plain, nothing interesting and I must be honest a little depressing.

 

 

 

As I am a great fan of wood, love the colours, love the grains, I decided the off white PVA coating had to go.  I stripped the entire unit and to give it a little something more painted some Lillies on the back panel.  Lillies being the favourite flower of the lady purchasing the bookcase.

 

 

I love my job

Radio Rage

You know, I am not sure if it is the advancement of my age or if I do indeed have a legitimate grievance, but when I listen to the radio I find myself frowning with the utmost irritation. And, to add insult to injury I have to endure Radio 5 informing me that I am listening to “Great” music. Great!?! What exactly is great about it!?! The music is so far from great I find myself feeling pleasantly relieved when a Shakira song starts to play. Not only am I relieved but I am also rather surprised to learn that Shakira, at least, doesn’t make my ears ring. I think how wonderful it would be if we had a radio station that did not play the worse commercial rubbish ever produced in the entire Universe since the beginning of time. Then I remember that it was not so long ago we actually did have a radio station that gave us a wider variety of music and more intelligent, entertaining DJ’s. Once I have lamented the woe of losing Radio 2000 to the ranks of not even bothering to flip through, I resign myself to the fact that its either listen to my own personal music collection and never hear anything new for the rest of my days or listen to Radio my ears are ringing 5 or East Coast slit my wrists Radio in the hopes I will be lucky enough to hear one great gem that will make it seem somewhat worthwhile.

And then, inevitably, the Radio Rage sets in and I remember that it was only recently SABC stole money from me in the guise of a TV License while telling me it was the right thing to do (bad English you chump!). It makes me bitter; it makes me irrational; it makes me hate them. It makes me think “Damn you SABC, I’m glad you’re in Financial Doo-doo at least now the wheel has turned. You’ve been stealing money from us citizens for years; laughing all the way to the bank while expecting us to tolerate the unentertaining, garbage you shovel out in droves, time to pay your dues. Corporate devil’s Spawn!”

I remember the rape of The Husband’s wallet only too well and my memory is long. Like an elephant; only longer.

It was made bearable by Ray White and that guy on a Thursday night who used to flirt with all his guests, he was brilliant. It was wonderful to wake up to the radio alarm, a good song playing, setting the tone for a great day of happiness and positivity. Oh how I long for those golden days of sunshine and sun flowers. Now it’s just dreary and unnecessary advertising; inane, drivel masquerading as entertainment; horrid music and a sinking suspicion that there really is no hope.

I believe the only possible solution to this dilemma is the start of a pirate radio station. I do not believe SABC or who ever should be paid for broadcasting good radio on the air waves that we, the people, can pick up at our hearts content. It should be resource based and not monetary. And it should be protected by all of us like the French would. Because lets be honest, it’s not like we see or hear anything we really want to. We are forced to pay for a TV license and yet we are expected to sit through a badly edited movie, interrupted by stupid advertising belittling and condescending. I would even be willing to let The Husband pay for such a radio station provided it made me happy, wasn’t a propaganda machine and made the world a slightly better place to be.

So, should someone decide they wanted to be the greatest thing ever to happen to radio let me know, I’ll spread the word and be an avid listener.

Oh and on a completely separate note, I’d just like to say thanks to the Haiti rescue workers, you guys are the balm. Thumbs up and a big cheer!

Shame

I love words. In fact two of my favourite books are a Dictionary and a Thesaurus; so many wonderful new words just waiting to be discovered, learnt and used. I once saw a girl in a movie using a highlighter to highlight all the new words she had learnt while reading and I thought “boy is that a good idea, a sure way to track your increasing knowledge of words.” Words are good; they are my greatest love affair. They are faithful and never lie. You can trust words, even if uttered by a liar they still give clues to truth. They are power and should be respected. However there are a few words that I do not like. A few words that when uttered my skin crawls and I have an instant flash of uncontrolled anger, disgust and horror. One of these words is Shame.

I do not like that word. It is negative, condescending and reeks of prejudice. It tells a great deal about the person who utters it and in my opinion is a good indicator of a shallow person. In my experience only shallow people use that word all the time. Generally having to utter it in just about every single conversation you have with them.

Now I admit I have used that word in the past. Usually to express my sadness at someone’s misfortune; they just found out their mother has breast cancer; someone’s child was killed in a senseless car accident; they broke their ankle while descending a flight of stairs. This ‘shame’ is usually followed by a ‘that’s terrible’. So I am not altogether absolved.

But what really makes me dislike this word so much is the fact that the people who tend to use it often don’t actually know what the true meaning is. They just use it because they are, in my honest opinion simply dense. And by dense I don’t mean closely compacted in substance or crowded closely together. I mean STUPID. To utter “shame” when you hear the news that a woman who knows exactly what she wants and isn’t afraid to go after it has asked her boyfriend to marry her is condescending, disgraceful and beyond a shadow of a doubt stupid. I don’t even like marriage, I don’t even get excited when I hear of other peoples impending nuptials, but I do have a certain sense of respect for someone who doesn’t need to be bound by ridiculous, outdated traditions that really have nothing to do with why someone would want to get married. It’s preposterous to say shame in that particular instance. What exactly is so shameful about it? Do you even know what the word shame means? Obviously not! So for the sake of allowing you; and by “you” I am referring to those dense individuals who have the audacity to irritate me with their stupidity; to learn something new, I have decided to give you the Concise (meaning clearly and in a few words) Oxford English Dictionary’s definition of the word Shame ~ n 1 a feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. 2 dishonour. 3 a regrettable or unfortunate thing. ~v. cause to feel ashamed.

Learn the meaning and use it in the appropriate context, if you are unable to do so then rather just shut up, after all “It is far better to be thought a fool then open your mouth and actually be one”.

I have also decided that I will no longer use that word; it has been shamed beyond repair and therefore no longer deserves a place in my vocabulary. Instead I shall find new ways to express my sadness at someone’s misfortune and leave ‘shame’ for those individuals who deserve it.